Sunday, July 30, 2006

Disheartened

Okay, I never really thought that I can live up to another 4 years dependent on my mom. I mean, I want to earn and provide for myself. It's tough having to ask for money and answer all those questions that will make you regret asking after all. It sucks. Really. I know I haven't been out of college and I'm thinking about all of these but I want to be sure of what is to come. I want to have a picture on how I will be like after college. If right now I'm this disappointed, then I should know how not to disappoint myself after all of these.

I'm not after the money. I just want to be happy and not like a shock absorber or someone who gets blamed for being such a nice kiddo. I do not want to be compared to people who in the first place have not made such an impact in their own lives.

I just want to live happily. That's all. Gahd, why is it so hard to reach that one goal!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Going On 2

Two days of no school makes me think that tomorrow will just be the same. I dunno, I just have a feeling. The rain is pouring nonstop but of variable measure.

Anyway, I still haven't gotten my money. But oh well, this is what you get when you have no school and no work for that matter. And am still planning on going to med school. Hay. That's life. I was just talking to my friend and she is so damn lucky. She's studying, working and have all those perks. You know, earning $800 a month and having a car. She says she likes her lifestyle because its challenging and the fact that it is challenging makes me envy her. I can't even earn a single cent here. I have to get it from mommy. Wow.

I want to work already. I mean, its different when you have your own money. No one will stop you from buying whatever you want but don't get me wrong here, things that you've been wanting to have. If it can cover an apartment and a car well that will make me better off on my own already. How I wish :) Well, I'm not complaining but my life right now is just school and my room. I can't even hang out at a nearby Starbucks with a friend or two. You know, chat and not worry about who will get mad or so. For god sakes, I'm 20.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

PostSecret

Yey! I got the book. It was the last piece, maybe the one I was looking at during sale. Yes, its kind of used and all that, like at lot of hands have touched it and maybe looked at the pictures. I'm glad I bought it. It's my favorite book right now. I figured that getting something that used for a thousand bucks is worth it. Just figured that that booked touched so many lives and so that makes it even more like a collector's item for me.

Well, I also purchased 4 DVDs, Grey's Anatomy and House. I'm finishing House Season One right now. I love Dr. House. I also got two books, To Kill A Mocking Bird (because of the cover, but I've read it several times already) and Pride and Prejudice (I also like its cover).

I just started reading The Devil Wears Prada and I can't go on because I got an exam.

So there! I love my stuff! I can't wait for term break... Reading is fun! Hahaha.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Detachment

Okay, I just talked to my mom and I was thinking of spending my break in Singapore. I need to refresh myself because another 22.5 units is stored for next term. Yes, 22.5 units yet again. I'm two terms away from that grand slam (if it were in tennis hahaha). Graduation sounds fun!

Well, Sara and I did our own version of Lucas and Haley resolutions, ours was monthly. And it has to be opened on the 20th of August. I showed her some pictures of me too. Maybe I just want her to know my world. She's one of my good friends in school, she's not just a blockmate. I hope she knows that.

We talked to my adviser this afternoon and it was fun talking about med school. We totally left our thesis out of the conversation hahaha. Sir Pat had a pep talk with Gelo because we can't move on without him. But of course, I know his reasons and I understand him only that I don't want to get delayed that's why.

I sound busy and that's a good thing! Also I now know the real meaning of friendship. It's not just being a blockmate, its more than that. I got confused a bit right there!

Anyway... my friend Kitkat sent me this message: A professor asked his students to correctly puntuate this sentence: A woman without her man is nothing.
The boys said...
A woman, without her man, is nothing.

The girls said...
A woman: without her, man is nothing.
Hehehe that's just a commercial!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Colors

This journal has been very very pessimistic. Thanks to me. Hahaha. I was just reading a friend's blog and I am so inspired as to how she is able to balance family, school and work. She's abroad right now and I'm not going to think of going there in a heartbeat but I feel like I might just have a life there. I mean school here is whole day, no time for work and play. Well, I'm a bio student, again thanks to me. How can I put color into my life?

I was just thinking as to why not act like a college student! I have been spending it just like how I spent my high school life. Sucks. So first, I need to learn how to carry myself and not be so possessive of friends. I do not need the latest chi chi (hehehe!) to survive. I am so disappointed now that I am actually thinking of these things. Oh please, Lord. Help me.

Anyway, I was so happy when I got an sms from one of my friends during first year of college. She invited me to her boyfriend's party and promised that she'd sit with me all the time. Hahaha I'd love to go because having a friend like her is an assurance that I am not alone. Some people just know how to get into my attitude and destroy me. Thanks to Kat, who helps me stand up and face the world. I love her! I hope she knows that!

Somethings I want to do starting tomorrow.
  1. Detach. Ruby, no strings attached. Please.
  2. Don't mind other people's business. But keep connections with people you trust.
  3. If they ask you something and a follow-up question (like are you sure?) will be asked, don't answer the follow up question. They don't deserve asking you after all.
  4. If you do not like the person you're with in a group, go to the lib.
  5. Do not volunteer in helping when you feel like you're not the go-to-person.
  6. Care for the people who cares for you too.
  7. Have fun, go out and rekindle friendships with people you haven't been talking to for long.
  8. All work and play. (The busier, the better!)
  9. Just follow your heart.
  10. Prove yourself to those who do not believe in you. (You're better!) Just play it nice and simple. Clean, so to speak. It will not be as hard as you think.
So this list will hopefully try to iron things out with myself. Right now, let me make myself busy by trying to detach. :)

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

For You

A Thousand Times.


Lovely phrase. Thanks for the assurance.

Monday, July 17, 2006

PostSecret.Blogspot.Com

Ithaca

What I remember about Ithaca by Constantine Cavafy is that it is a place where this certain character lives in and he left home to fight for his countrymen and going home alive will be his greatest achievement.

My own Ithaca right now is to finish pre-med. Two more terms and I feel like its taking so long. I think most of the time spent is worrying about my friends. And I lost one of them already. I lost 4 already, well physically because they had to go different ways but this one is different. If I finish college, I bet you that I'll always be the girl with snacks to offer, the one who reminds what is due tomorrow, the one who is responsible for them in case they'd forget things. I'm that kind of friend to that person. And it saddens me because I'm just that kind of girl to that person. I was never able to talk to that person the way I did with the rest of my friends. Our friendship was just like that. Too much insensitivity. And I can't believe I'm only the safety net.

A while ago, I went to church and it was a relief because for the first time, I was not forced to do so. I felt like it was the right time to get back with Him again. No pressure this time. It was not because I had problems, I felt like I was ready this time. When Anima Christi was played, I felt like I was able to get every issue out of my chest. Truly, you win some, you lose some.

I do not want to be plastic and all so I will just stop being the Ruby that that person knew since we became friends. I want out. I just don't want to be your safety net because I'm not that kind of friend. I'm glad you found another person. And that's the end of it. No explanations needed. It's hurts to see this friendship that survived a lot of trials end this way.

Right now, my Ithaca is to be able to let everything off my chest and appreciate more the people that really do care about my feelings and those which are true to me. I will surprise you guys one day :D